Steer clear of the forums.

I should know better by now. I mean, I do. The internet is rife with abuse and trolls. But I crave social interaction, and it's not something I get very much of in my everyday life, since I don't feel comfortable interacting with people face to face in most situations (it's hard to meet people I can really connect with). I hate to be ageist (it's really an attitude thing, not an age thing, but...), the deviantART forums are filled with immaturity. I try to have a constructive discussion, and they all gang up on me for having an unpopular opinion, and then proceed to trade insults and pat each other on their backs for it.

Why all this antagonism? I don't hate anyone in the world. I disagree with a lot of them, but I genuinely want everyone to get along. Why don't these people understand that there's a reason I am the way I am, and I think the things I think. There's a whole lifetime of experiences informing my perspective. But they don't respect that. They just want to make themselves feel better by cutting somebody else down. And then they have the nerve to criticize me because the type of art I like is a very niche subject. Like I'm not a good artist because 95% of the population just isn't in to the art I create? Or they expect every piece I produce to be a masterpiece?

My art is not based on single images. It's an entire body of work. Some of these single images are sublime - if you're going to judge by single images, you should at least judge by the best ones. But there's a lot more that goes in to my art than just the pursuit of the "perfect" image. My art is a social platform. It's about desire and acceptance. It's about truth and honesty. It's about combating social attitudes towards nudity and eroticism. It's about encouraging other people to be more comfortable with their own bodies, and learn to accept the sexual desires they have, even if they're not the ones the rest of society expects you to have.

Most people would probably think I'm just a "smut peddler". I think that's an unfair assessment, but I'm willing to take on that label. Because the work that I do helps people to accept themselves, and find joy in a life that might be very stressful for them. Yeah, I produce porn. But it's not *just* porn. I get a lot of messages from people telling me that my work has helped them on a journey of self-discovery, and that it makes them feel better about who they are (or just feel better in general). What could be greater than that? It sure beats going on some internet forum and spending your days verbally harassing complete strangers just to make yourself feel better.

And yet, a million appraisals isn't enough armor to reduce the sting of a single criticism. I am a highly sensitive person. It's a weakness, and a strength. But mostly it just feels like weakness. I try very hard not to let it color my perception of the world - for somebody so sensitive, I am a staunch defender of free speech, and am very suspicious about the true cost of creating "safe spaces" in society. But is it so bad if I wish people could just be civil to each other, and respect each other even when they disagree? I really want everybody to just get along. And even if it's insignificant (although I fail to see how cruelty being a natural element of humanity is an insignificant revelation), every single little time that one person is mean to another person without warrant, it feels like a dagger to my heart.

If I were a saint (and I'm definitely not saying that I am, but if I were), and some lowly creature that no one would disagree is morally compromised - a cold-blooded murderer, say - criticized me without warrant whatsoever, it would be enough to make me doubt the good nature of my soul. So, yeah, it's a weakness. But it also means I know what it feels like to suffer. Not because I have the worst life - most people would say I'm pretty "charmed". But because my psychology loves emotional exaggeration. That's why it's so important to me for people to be kind. And why we should promote and share happiness with one another.

I argue with people a lot (on the internet - in person I'm agreeable to a fault), but that's because I need the intellectual stimulation, and I think that there's a lot wrong with the way things are, and it bothers me that most people are willing to just let things be, instead of working towards a better future (why should things stay the way they are, just because that's the way they are, when there is so much pain in the world?). But that's the thing. I want to make things better. Not just for the people who have it fine the way things are right now. But the people who are struggling. The isolated and disadvantaged minorities.

And even when I disagree with people, I don't bear them ill will. I genuinely want to believe that we can still be friends. To sit around a fire and debate how to make the world a better place, because we both have faith in humanity and the future, in spite of how badly things look right now. And so it hurts me when people become petty, and disregard the issue in order to sling insults, because "winning" is more important than doing the right thing. It feels like betrayal. But that's the way humanity is. There's no way for me to avoid it. And it makes me sad. Because I want us all to be on the same side!