everyday I look around and see the way
but just once in my life I'd like to see a day
spent walking down that way
and not watching it only to say
I wish that things could be that way
When My Blood Flows (Like Crimson)when my blood
flows like crimson
and my spirit flies
free into the sky
I feel you, but
I can't touch you now
I look into your eyes,
but I only see through them
soon the tide begins to pull me away
and my spirit spreads
into the vast sea
all the details fade,
leaving a haunting memory
I can't see your face
in my mind anymore
my heart grows cold,
and I too will fade
a cold wind is blowing
me into that wide void
where all will return to nothing
General Relativity Bluesdespite the energy I expend
the work remains constant
this time-independent symmetry
wears down my potential
the associated killing vector
leaves me feeling null and light
my eyes begin to redshift
the variables all look equivalent
its becoming harder to differentiate
the letters from the numbers
I was in the right frame of mind
but now I've lost my inertia
as I gaze into infinity
my grade approaches zero
the night passes in a time-like fashion
while my thoughts are space-like scattered
I've worked these problems now
for what feels like a proper time interval
I can't feel the gravity of my situation
I'm lost in a free-fall
wishing only to accelerate my head
into the curvature of my pillow
my watch is running slow
but as I make my way home
the path refuses to contract
no matter how I integrate my steps
I thrust myself through the door
attracted only to my dreams
as I collapse into bed
I begin to emit z-radiat
The Voyage of Haldir and Egonthe rain turned to ash, the earth began to shake
the smoke climbed to the sky, but the people did not wake
the wind brought no warning, when the wall of fire arrived
the sun was clouded with sulfur, not a soul survived
homes turned to ovens, the village was turned to stone
a warrior and a shaman, set out to learn the unknown
Haldir - grab your spear, Egon - call your ghost
tonight you will advance, the great mountain will be your host
the village was consumed, in fire and molten rock
the people had no time to run, they realized with shock
Haldir and Egon, climbed up towards the peak
the challenge was clear, against the volcano they were too weak
Haldir speared the mountain, lava shot up all around
Egon called the spirits, but the dead were stuck below the ground
the villagers prayed daily, they lived their lives in peace
but the mountain's wrath took them, now they will have no release
The Grand Illusion (or Rag on Religion)you're surrounded by people, but you're all alone
everybody is different, but deep down they're all the same
what is heaven and what is hell?
is heaven all pleasure?
if heaven is pleasure, then is that not sin?
if heaven is restraint, then is that not hell?
what is the point of heaven if it is the realization of a state within which you do not belong?
chastity, purity, benevolence, judgement
heaven is a prison, and to escape is to be sent to hell
but if hell is pain and retribution
then the overworld is another establishment
built upon specific values you may or may not agree with
but if this is true, then heaven is not a personal thing
I believe heaven - and hell - is a personal thing
and religion has nothing to do with it
religion is a chain and a mask and a mold
it has nothing intrinsically to do with spirituality
spirituality is personal, individual
how can you tell me what it is good for me to believe?
you're not saving me, you're destroying me!
let me be me, your god is no more i
Musings on a Snow Flakehow can something so cold, spark within me so much heat?
the pure, white snow
so very beautiful, but so very cold
you can stand in awe of her beauty
but with a single touch, she is destroyed
for surely the delicate snowflake would melt away within the warmth of your hand
indeed, the pure, white snow can be made no more beautiful by the touch of a human hand
for years have I sat at the nighttime window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the snowfall
and when the snow graciously passes by my window, I am entranced, and my entire being focuses on the beauty of the snow
for once I wanted to feel the touch of the gentle snowflake
to be closer to it, to exist in the same world
so I ventured outside, and for an evening I knew the meaning of joy
but quickly I discovered that as I approached the snow flake, it would quickly disappear
I soon learned that all the warmth I felt for the snow, from the depths of my heart
the snow perceived as a threat, and for that the snow could come no closer to me
Alone TogetherI asked you to give your love to me,
you showed me what is and what should never be
All the effort, all it ever got us, was alone together
Baby, when I look at you, there's a pain deep down in my soul
Have you ever wanted something so bad, you tremble in pain?
You are all I need, but you don't want me
You were always like a dream to me, flying high above reality
You sat there in front of me, but you were so far away
You touched me so, but I could not touch you
All my eyes could see was you, but you looked away
You gave me a chance, but you left me hanging
Too kind to push me away, too distant to let me in
You could see it in my eyes, how much I needed you
It must have hurt, forcing yourself to put me in pain
I watched you with admiration
You were everything to me
Now it hurts to look at you
So I turn my head and walk on by, the way you've always done
It's not that I don't love you, baby I do
But it hurts so much, I have to walk away
I hate you because I love you
I'm sorry it has to be
Running in Circlesfeeling alone again
with nothin' better to do
than wonder what I'll ever do
I could watch a movie with myself
or teach myself a new lick
but where's the fun in that?
what else could I do?
so I took a walk out in the dark
strolled on down that road
I knew where I was headed
to sit down by the river and cry
and watch my tears wash away
thinkin' about her, and that pretty girl
wonder what she's up to
certainly havin' a blast
in a room full of friends
inhibition jammed at the door
laughin' about nothin' at all
but I wasn't invited
and I've got nowhere to be
and they don't care anyway
I don't know what to do
so I'll go down by the river and cry
but my tears are all washed away
runnin' in circles again
tellin' myself it can't be helped
every step forward is two steps below
I'm headin' down by the river
but I ain't in the mood to cry
I clutch at the darkness and wonder why
I turn myself around
and climb the many stairs
I see her face in that place
but she don't see me
not like she ever has
Don't Tell Me (You Know How It Feels)(chorus)
don't tell me you know how it feels
cause I really don't think that you know how it feels
don't tell me, I'd rather you show me
show me how it feels
I took her to lunch, and bought her a snack
we sat there and laughed, then I walked her right back
we were havin' fun, and I wanted to stay
but I took my leave, and went my way
she invited me out, taught me to dance
showed me the moves, just the right stance
we hit it off, but when the lights went out
I was alone, filled with doubt
when the rain came falling, we shared an umbrella
she brought me upstairs, and baked mozzarella
we put on some tunes, but the rain quickly vanished
I left that palace, cold and famished
the day at the park, we sure had a blast
we both sat in front, and flew really fast
I was glad to be with her, she was glad to be there
it was quite an amusement, but it's still no fair
the day I saw her, the girl in the grass
the night I met her, holding a glass
all the time I loved her, she did not know
wouldn't make a
In A DreamI've never called your name
I've never seen you smile
I've never shown my feelings
but I knew you, in a dream
I've never stroked your hair
I've never squeezed your hand
I've never watched you cry
but I held you, in a dream
I've never seen you weak
I've never helped you along
I've never crushed your heart
but you rejected me, in a dream
We've never been together
But now we've grown apart
You may never even realize
I still love you, in my heart
for unseeing eyesladen with sky
and painted mockingbirds
on loveless branches
folding in our slender limbs
and ducking under our own
voices, fidgety and frail
against the wall of night.
between the dipping blades
and drawn shoulders
we learned to craft our words
a drumming rain
that carved canyons
in open hearts and
drew the sunshine to
our supping lips.
keen-eyed, we watched
remembering the weight
of unseeing eyes
and scalding remarks
and we learned to slip
the noose-knots and slide
through the soul-cracks
build kingdoms under
with lyrical uncertainty
and tender determination
we built a pyre of peace
in the shadows
and watched it blaze
the truth across our
as new leaves still curled
and stretching hands
unfurled in suppliance
we lifted our heads
in broken laughter,
for this light is our burden,
and even a whisper
can shatter silence
and bring the blind
the trouble isi'd like life to be
quiet and lovely
like distant church-bells
chiming through snow,
muted by the smell of
an old book and the
feel of a fire warming
me into my chair, and
a mug of tea, steeping
the moment in hushed
gratitude, easily in reach.
Hair black and wild
Eyes with no sleep
Dark bags under your eyes
Lips that taste of sugar
Wings perking out of your slouching shoulders
Clean white long sleeve shirt
Legs crouching in faded blue jeans
Not a posture of an angel
But you are lovely
In your own way
My angel L
SuicideWhen I woke up,
I expected you to be alive.
I expected the end of your letter
To say something like,
"I'm right behind you,
But that never happened.
When I woke up,
You were still dead.
You aren't dead to me.
You should be alive,
You should be here with me!
Where are you?
Why did you leave?
You didn't have to go!
I would've cared for you!
I would've rescued you!
There are still people who love you!
You didn't have to kill yourself!
You didn't have to die.
I can't believe you're dead.
I can't believe you're dead.
i can't promise you anything.i made a mistake
when i told you that i could love you
forever. i know now that the only thing
i can know for certain is that nothing
will ever be certain again. we could
wake up tomorrow and feel something
completely different. we could wake up
tomorrow and be completely different.
that's the exciting part. it's also the
part that makes it hard to even fall asleep
in the first place.
my heart attacks
my every whim and everyday is this whirlwind
of terror and elation and i don't even know
where to end or begin or if this makes sense
anymore, but the one thing i've come to realize
is the worst kind of lie will always be the
ones you don't even know you're telling. so
i'd say i'm sorry, but i'd like to think you
already know. it's nothing worth repeating.
nothing ever is.
when i'm tired
i tend to miss you in an overwhelming sort of
way just because i'm not strong enough to fight
these feelings full time. i'm more of a halfway
girl, but there are a few things i fully understan
SleepPerhaps it's the pressing consciousness
that across the world
people are at work and school
and walking sad with worry
Did people sleep
before they had to think of that?
Or perhaps it's the dreams
the ones you hate or hate to wake from
that don't offer their portents
as long as you are staring at the screen
or the printed page
or the windshield.
Or maybe there's a part that thinks
if you can just push the night clock round
Dare yourself not to close your eyes
like the everyday sun-wakers
To walk yourself through morning and beyond
the world will have to change somehow.
And the next time you give in
you will wake to something different
a place that's slightly new
and rings with intensity
Perhaps just a little better
than the night's rejected dreams.
Coffee Shop MemoirsPhilosophers think
We may dream our reality.
With earphones attached liked IVs
I dream my own melodic universe.
Until someone laughs behind me
And strikes up conversation with a friend.
And in that moment they become my anchor
Are they spinning through my dream
Or am I spinning through theirs?
Sometimes life fits in a coffee cup,
Sometimes inspiration pours out slowly like a packet of honey,
And sometimes it all mixes together
Like liquid incandescence that I drink right after brewing.
When no one speaks to me for hours
I begin to wonder
Is everyone dreaming a reality that includes
The whole café but me?
The street outside the window
With passing strangers, dogs and cars
Is a whole new Milky Way
Waiting to be discovered.
But I am no space explorer
Aliens are beyond my reach.
Whispers of the people around
Reach my ears distinctly
Like waves lapping on the shore.
Words on paper go no way
Towards proving that I was ever here
My identity is slowly condensed
Not into the people who kno
hushi'm done wishing
on shooting stars, and
i want to be done with you:
i'll let dust settle
on my telescope,
let dust settle in
my throat, my lungs.
twist your fingers through
my vocal cords,
press your palm to
my lips and tell me, hush
don't wish on things
falling too fast
to hear you
maybe i'll wish
they are quiet houses
for muted ghosts, though
more alive than you
have ever been.
i'll let you
pull me under,
paint my eyes
with salt, blind me
so you can murmur, shh
even dead things
can be beautiful